Mr. Eduardo Vásquez Carrasco
Psychologist Psychotherapist
discovered in the 50's, when a toad is a fly and a a picture of that fly in the brain of the toad, the image in the brain is the result of the particular structure of the eye of toad and not a factual representation of the fly is in the environment. This discovery allows us to deduce that our ideas of how things are not true copy thereof in the real world, but depend on the use of our language and our interactions, which act as filters. In other words, we do not know the world as it is, but we build in our minds a subjective picture of how the world through our language and interactions that we have throughout life. Each of us constructs a particular reality of the world from the language used.
Por ejemplo, si un niño ha sido querido, amado y cuidado por sus padres desde pequeño, entonces de grande verá y concebirá el mundo como un lugar acogedor, protector y grato donde vivir. Por el contrario, si un niño es abandonado, tratado con negligencia, descuidado y violentado, crecerá con la concepción de un mundo malvado, amenazador, del cual hay que defenderse constantemente y al cual hay que dañar y agredir antes que el mundo lo agreda a él. Como dice Epícteto, el filósofo griego estoico, no son las cosas que nos ocurre lo que nos preocupa, sino las opiniones que tenemos de esas cosas.
Del mismo modo si concebimos los problemas familiares y personales as immovable, intractable, the result of structural problems in the identity of people, product and events of the past that can not be changed, then it is more likely to fail in the attempt to solve the human predicament, and it is structural problems of the past on which we have no power to control and modify. On the contrary if we think of family problems in a different way, under most of the way we see things, paying attention to the resources of people, focusing on the present and not the past, then it is more likely to succeed at seek creative solutions to the plight of families.
Then describe
guiding principles that allow us to change our view of family problems, allow us to see human problems from a different perspective, more solvable and more positive.
1. Individuals and families have the resources and strengths to resolve their complaints. The central idea is that people have abilities and skills and can use these capabilities to solve their problems. For example, a mother may have difficulties with a disobedient and rebellious teenager, but his work can serve as a great manager with a great ability to mobilize people and motivate them to make those things you want to do for her. In this case, the intervention focuses on him "remember" the mother these strategies and skills used at work and to apply to raising your teen.
2. Change is constant. This principle tells us that change is inevitable, things are constantly moving, human interactions go through periods of decline and periods of success over the years, people fight and friendship, are happy and euphoric and a few days may be declined and no desire to leave. So if people, their behavior and everything about this world is in constant motion and change, then difficulties and family problems also vary and change over time. At some point things will start to improve.
3. The role of the therapist (or counselor, counselor, etc..) Is to identify and expand the exchange. The goal is to help create an encouraging and positive reality for the person suffering, through verbal and nonverbal language. For that we can focus on what still works for people. For more gray and gloomy a situation is for a family, there is always an area, however small, where things are going well. The helper's task is to identify this area and begin to enlarge.
4. Usually no need to know much about the complaint to resolve it. We are only interested what works in the family, which goes well from there to expand the changes and that this change will play in the interactions of the family until it is satisfied with its new status. Therefore, we are not interested, nor is useful to us either, have lots of family information, nor on his past, because this wealth of information we may become confused and lose in the way of change.
5. It is not necessary to know the cause or function of a complaint to resolve . The search for the cause or the "whys" do not help us find solutions. Hinder the work. Although the person come to understand what happens what happens with that information will not be able to change anything in their current state of life. Understand why what happens happens but this is unlikely to change current malaise. In the same vein to understand the function of a symptom does not disappear, therefore, we must give up exploring the "whys" and to seek explanations and focus on achieving a behavioral change of family difficulties.
6. You only need a small change, a change in one part of the system can produce change in another part of the system. Feedback is circular, we do inevitably affects the other and vice versa. Change is contagious, creating a ripple effect on the rest. A small change in a family member begins to infect the rest of the family system because if a family member changes, then change their interactions with other members, and they must accommodate the new situation and therefore also change.
7. Clients define the goals. One man works for another may not, that depends on the lifestyle of each. So we can not impose on people what we think is best for them, they who should define the goals in treatment. Should be comfortable and happy with what they want to achieve, if not a desired goal for them, it is difficult to get mobilized. The only exception to this rule is illegal situations, a situation of violence or abuse must be reported promptly and should demand the cessation of violence as a precondition to start the aid process.
8. Change or problem solving can be fast . A long-standing problem can be solved in a short time, durable solutions just do not need much time to consolidate.
9. There is no single "correct" way of seeing things, different views can be equally valid and equally well adjusted to facts. Each point of view is only a portion of reality, we must help enlarge. There are no views "wrong" or "correct" but "more useful" or "less useful". We use the most useful world view, which to mobilize more resources, since what may be a solution to a person, not necessarily for another.
10. Focus on what is possible and can be changed, not what is impossible and intractable . Focusing on the situation that seems more susceptible to change. We look small but significant changes, you can not change a personality structure but help to be more functional life. Here we focus on how to "shows" a person, not how "is" a person, as the former is more susceptible to change than the latter.
11. Each person is unique . So is each relationship, so we should not use the same model of intervention with all people. The solution will be faster and more appropriate if it takes each person or family as a unique and do not lose your curiosity about him, using the means necessary for accessing your own information.
12. Nothing is all bad . Leads us to think despite all the negatives that the person concerned, what has allowed them to move forward and how we can preserve it and take it as base. Here we can focus on what things has allowed them to overcome and survive despite the problems and difficulties and to use these columns or resources as a basis for promoting change.
13. resistance there. There is a fairly common idea about the resistance, when dealing with a person and see that it does not change, that despite our advice and suggestions the person remains the same and kept in their problems, then we say that are resistant. That idea is not useful. It is more useful to think in terms of forms of cooperation, if you suggest something to someone and see who does what we say, instead of calling him a strong say that this is not the way to cooperate and we will turn to other ways of promoting change, maybe we need fewer managers to give advice, or we give more precise instructions, or simply refrain from giving advice and just listen. We must be attentive to the way people collaborate and accommodate your style.
14. Guidance or advice progresses slowly. Although we have said before that change can be fast, so we will not expect everyone to solve their problems at the same pace. We accommodate the pace of people. This also means not rushing and go slowly. Take our time to consider the best alternative for a person and not rush to give advice or suggestion and then I realize that it was not appropriate.
15. You can not change people, only they can change themselves. Living systems are "closed to information" can not be modified from outside, so when it has reached an impasse is useful not depressed. The work of helping is just taking a small first push and then people will be mobilized to solve their problems.
16. The solution has nothing to do necessarily with the problem . Many Sometimes the solution and change come from another part of the life of the person where the problem does not arise. At other times small changes occur in areas other than their main complaint and from then reproduced in other areas of family life, like a domino effect.
17. Emotions are part of every problem and every solution . Many times when there is stagnation in finding solutions for families, talking about emotions in an environment affected container, it serves to break the deadlock and foster new ideas for change. We provide corrective experiences to people where they can feel safe and reduce anxiety.
18. We can not change the past, so we must focus on the future . The past is unchangeable, therefore, we should not spend much time on it. Where if we need to invest resources and energy is in the future, more concrete and specific as we project a future is more likely to achieve. The language is an action in the present, so the change can only occur in the present. It is useful to ask people who insist on digging into his past: "I understand that you are hard to forget the past, but what do you think you need now or in the future, to accept the fact that it happened or started to leave ago? "
19. Avoid using labels . When we use labels like "depressed", "obsessive" or any other psychiatric or psychopathological sign of the difficulty we are giving an unchanging and unchangeable character. So we're tying their hands and we restrict the multiple possibilities for change. It is recommended to use phrases more flexible, changeable, and positive to refer to human difficulties, for example, instead of saying someone is depressed can say he has a "low mood" or is the "blues", so we are leaving leeway to act on problems solvable.
20. Find out what things they liked or disliked the experience of previous support . Many people have been helped earlier, some experiences have been positive and others less so. It is useful to ask why it considers that the experience helped them to repeat previous support it and why they were not helpful to avoid making the same mistakes.
These are more or less, the assumptions on which we will operate in parent education meetings, provided they do not know what to do or get lost in conversation, we return on these principles and apply them to individual situations . It is also useful to train participants these principles to adopt a new way of seeing things, more useful and promote change and solutions.
guiding principles that allow us to change our view of family problems, allow us to see human problems from a different perspective, more solvable and more positive.
1. Individuals and families have the resources and strengths to resolve their complaints. The central idea is that people have abilities and skills and can use these capabilities to solve their problems. For example, a mother may have difficulties with a disobedient and rebellious teenager, but his work can serve as a great manager with a great ability to mobilize people and motivate them to make those things you want to do for her. In this case, the intervention focuses on him "remember" the mother these strategies and skills used at work and to apply to raising your teen.
2. Change is constant. This principle tells us that change is inevitable, things are constantly moving, human interactions go through periods of decline and periods of success over the years, people fight and friendship, are happy and euphoric and a few days may be declined and no desire to leave. So if people, their behavior and everything about this world is in constant motion and change, then difficulties and family problems also vary and change over time. At some point things will start to improve.
3. The role of the therapist (or counselor, counselor, etc..) Is to identify and expand the exchange. The goal is to help create an encouraging and positive reality for the person suffering, through verbal and nonverbal language. For that we can focus on what still works for people. For more gray and gloomy a situation is for a family, there is always an area, however small, where things are going well. The helper's task is to identify this area and begin to enlarge.
4. Usually no need to know much about the complaint to resolve it. We are only interested what works in the family, which goes well from there to expand the changes and that this change will play in the interactions of the family until it is satisfied with its new status. Therefore, we are not interested, nor is useful to us either, have lots of family information, nor on his past, because this wealth of information we may become confused and lose in the way of change.
5. It is not necessary to know the cause or function of a complaint to resolve . The search for the cause or the "whys" do not help us find solutions. Hinder the work. Although the person come to understand what happens what happens with that information will not be able to change anything in their current state of life. Understand why what happens happens but this is unlikely to change current malaise. In the same vein to understand the function of a symptom does not disappear, therefore, we must give up exploring the "whys" and to seek explanations and focus on achieving a behavioral change of family difficulties.
6. You only need a small change, a change in one part of the system can produce change in another part of the system. Feedback is circular, we do inevitably affects the other and vice versa. Change is contagious, creating a ripple effect on the rest. A small change in a family member begins to infect the rest of the family system because if a family member changes, then change their interactions with other members, and they must accommodate the new situation and therefore also change.
7. Clients define the goals. One man works for another may not, that depends on the lifestyle of each. So we can not impose on people what we think is best for them, they who should define the goals in treatment. Should be comfortable and happy with what they want to achieve, if not a desired goal for them, it is difficult to get mobilized. The only exception to this rule is illegal situations, a situation of violence or abuse must be reported promptly and should demand the cessation of violence as a precondition to start the aid process.
8. Change or problem solving can be fast . A long-standing problem can be solved in a short time, durable solutions just do not need much time to consolidate.
9. There is no single "correct" way of seeing things, different views can be equally valid and equally well adjusted to facts. Each point of view is only a portion of reality, we must help enlarge. There are no views "wrong" or "correct" but "more useful" or "less useful". We use the most useful world view, which to mobilize more resources, since what may be a solution to a person, not necessarily for another.
10. Focus on what is possible and can be changed, not what is impossible and intractable . Focusing on the situation that seems more susceptible to change. We look small but significant changes, you can not change a personality structure but help to be more functional life. Here we focus on how to "shows" a person, not how "is" a person, as the former is more susceptible to change than the latter.
11. Each person is unique . So is each relationship, so we should not use the same model of intervention with all people. The solution will be faster and more appropriate if it takes each person or family as a unique and do not lose your curiosity about him, using the means necessary for accessing your own information.
12. Nothing is all bad . Leads us to think despite all the negatives that the person concerned, what has allowed them to move forward and how we can preserve it and take it as base. Here we can focus on what things has allowed them to overcome and survive despite the problems and difficulties and to use these columns or resources as a basis for promoting change.
13. resistance there. There is a fairly common idea about the resistance, when dealing with a person and see that it does not change, that despite our advice and suggestions the person remains the same and kept in their problems, then we say that are resistant. That idea is not useful. It is more useful to think in terms of forms of cooperation, if you suggest something to someone and see who does what we say, instead of calling him a strong say that this is not the way to cooperate and we will turn to other ways of promoting change, maybe we need fewer managers to give advice, or we give more precise instructions, or simply refrain from giving advice and just listen. We must be attentive to the way people collaborate and accommodate your style.
14. Guidance or advice progresses slowly. Although we have said before that change can be fast, so we will not expect everyone to solve their problems at the same pace. We accommodate the pace of people. This also means not rushing and go slowly. Take our time to consider the best alternative for a person and not rush to give advice or suggestion and then I realize that it was not appropriate.
15. You can not change people, only they can change themselves. Living systems are "closed to information" can not be modified from outside, so when it has reached an impasse is useful not depressed. The work of helping is just taking a small first push and then people will be mobilized to solve their problems.
16. The solution has nothing to do necessarily with the problem . Many Sometimes the solution and change come from another part of the life of the person where the problem does not arise. At other times small changes occur in areas other than their main complaint and from then reproduced in other areas of family life, like a domino effect.
17. Emotions are part of every problem and every solution . Many times when there is stagnation in finding solutions for families, talking about emotions in an environment affected container, it serves to break the deadlock and foster new ideas for change. We provide corrective experiences to people where they can feel safe and reduce anxiety.
18. We can not change the past, so we must focus on the future . The past is unchangeable, therefore, we should not spend much time on it. Where if we need to invest resources and energy is in the future, more concrete and specific as we project a future is more likely to achieve. The language is an action in the present, so the change can only occur in the present. It is useful to ask people who insist on digging into his past: "I understand that you are hard to forget the past, but what do you think you need now or in the future, to accept the fact that it happened or started to leave ago? "
19. Avoid using labels . When we use labels like "depressed", "obsessive" or any other psychiatric or psychopathological sign of the difficulty we are giving an unchanging and unchangeable character. So we're tying their hands and we restrict the multiple possibilities for change. It is recommended to use phrases more flexible, changeable, and positive to refer to human difficulties, for example, instead of saying someone is depressed can say he has a "low mood" or is the "blues", so we are leaving leeway to act on problems solvable.
20. Find out what things they liked or disliked the experience of previous support . Many people have been helped earlier, some experiences have been positive and others less so. It is useful to ask why it considers that the experience helped them to repeat previous support it and why they were not helpful to avoid making the same mistakes.
These are more or less, the assumptions on which we will operate in parent education meetings, provided they do not know what to do or get lost in conversation, we return on these principles and apply them to individual situations . It is also useful to train participants these principles to adopt a new way of seeing things, more useful and promote change and solutions.
REFERENCES:
1. Lipchik, E. (2005). Solution-focused therapy, ART BEYOND. WORKING WITH EMOTIONS AND THE THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP. Amorrortu.
2. O'Hanlon WH & Weiner-Davis M. (1990). IN SEARCH OF SOLUTIONS. Barcelona: Polity Press.
3. Selekman, M. (1996). OPEN ROAD FOR CHANGE. Barcelona: Gedisa.
4. Weiner- Davis M. (2004). YOUR MARRIAGE CAN ALWAYS BE BETTER: SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT apart. Standard.
2. O'Hanlon WH & Weiner-Davis M. (1990). IN SEARCH OF SOLUTIONS. Barcelona: Polity Press.
3. Selekman, M. (1996). OPEN ROAD FOR CHANGE. Barcelona: Gedisa.
4. Weiner- Davis M. (2004). YOUR MARRIAGE CAN ALWAYS BE BETTER: SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT apart. Standard.
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